I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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