I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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