I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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