garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
