I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
