Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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