proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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