listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
