I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
