WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
