In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
