Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
