I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Pooping to opera.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
