i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That accounts for only three of the penises
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
