I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
