A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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