Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
