so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you would pick up someone in the library
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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