I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
