so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
