Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
