Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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