so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
