Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
