I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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