I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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