they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
