fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
