I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
