I just pynch a tree in the face
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
