i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
