you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
