i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
