I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
