where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
sex in a hospital.. check
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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