Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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