just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
