i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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