If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
