Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
