I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
