Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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