your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
