my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
