Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
