ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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