Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
