She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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