if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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