I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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