So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
