Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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