I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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