Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
