They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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