I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He did a backflip because drugs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
