This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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