we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
