can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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