yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
