OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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