she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
