they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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