Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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