ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
