That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
