I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
