You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
