The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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