dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
