How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
