Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
high people should be assigned attendants
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
