he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
