So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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