I can text with my tongue
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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