I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
