dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
