cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
