This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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