he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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