Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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