i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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