i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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