You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
