I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
