I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am available for nakedness
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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