worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
