last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
