You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
