you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
