Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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