I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
