i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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