Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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