omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
