i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
