Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
