You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
